Wednesday, 23 April 2014

#2 Debating Days

MDO 2011. The resolution is an eyesore - eye'm sorry!
We've always had a sizable number of Malaysians in the debating communities out there. Every tournament I chose to partake, I would always meet a group of Malaysians or two.

Debate tournaments were always one of their kind - the selection processes required me to absorb so much information in a non-static way like I do in the classrooms. That I was required to actually properly apply everything else (having a solid background in general knowledge really helped too), thinking on the spot, changing my perceptions in just the blink of an eye to a cater to the new direction the cases were being taken in - debate helped to sharpen the rationalist I already was. I started to reason more than I already did, everything needed a proper justification to it, if you don't justify something in the present, then hopefully the end will justify the means.

If you think high school debates were intense, heck, you need to try debating at a varsity level. It's engaging, and the adrenaline rush I derived from those were like drugs. Heck man, debates were thrillingly intense.

Why do I miss debate right now...

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

#1 Ivory Towers

Random grafitti I've found upon the cubicle walls.
"Sometimes, you just may not end up pursuing a path based on what you've studied."

University has always been such a wonderful transitional phase for me. Now that I am about to come to the end of my university life, I can honestly say that it has been some of the best years of my life - I grew so much, I grew and grew and grew. I fell, I picked myself up, I fell harder, I came back stronger than ever. It's a more formative period than I had intended high school to be.

My campus isn't the most exciting one around but the experiences made it count. It's amazing how I gained so much more from the experiences - debate, ultimate, tournaments - than I did from the classroom walls. But having said that, knowledge and experience both comes hand-in-hand. Ideally, I wouldn't even be here to experience all these if I weren't here to study in the first place.

I've always had a love-hate relationship with my campus. It sure has been tough (still is) loving you, Swinburne.

Of meandering spirals and lack of progress

Lately, I've been spiralling into this vicious cycle of booting up my laptop, running my assignment folders, opening up various tabs on Chrome which have absolutely no relevance with my assignment, scrolling through the tabs, only to realise hours later (internet has been sucking my soul) that I haven't done what I set out to do and then I rinse and repeat this again for days. It's been like this since last Thursday now.

I've never really been one to procrastinate because I've always found it difficult to play first, then work so it was always vice versa (before we start assuming that I'm self-righteous, let's just say that pretty traumatising past experiences shaped me this way today). So it's only natural that I should start fretting when I'm compromising my productivity for hedonistic tendencies.

In between logging into Flight Rising (don't look at me like that pfft) and alternating to watching various episodes of Doctor Who, the one proudest thing I've done having finished a book; because I'm behind on my reading list and IT FEELS SO GOOD TO READ AGAIN IT'S LIKE I'M BREATHING.

Is this what it feels like to burnout?

By the way, the first paragraph is happening as I type this. Also, I've been having difficulties getting myself to hit the sack. Here's my thought process: But I'm in the zone now let's do assignments - proceeds to open many other tabs - realisation hours later that I have deviated from my original intentions.

Yes, really effed up. Frankly speaking, I would just like to work work work, then PLAYYY all I want (problem is, I never find time to play anymore lately). Going to attempt to sleep now, bye blog.

P.S. I contradict myself a lot. So since I have set forth to do so now, as of today, I shall be posting little realisations of the things that go on in my head everyday, accompanied by a picture hopefully. It's also a reminder for me to slow down and breathe. Sometimes I fear that future me will culminate into the ultimate, burned-out workaholic because I'm displaying such mortifying tendencies even now.

P.P.S. I've also been a little bit more depressed than I should lately and I've been using, "You get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" a little bit too much as an excuse. Heck, I don't even have reasons to be sad. Must be my lack of productivity getting to me. You know what they say, it's all in the head. I think I should get back to photography, I was less depressed back then.

P.P.P.S. I sound so old and jaded and cynical lately I depress myself so much with myself. Mein gott. Also, cows.

Saturday, 5 April 2014


It terrifies me to think that I may not have learnt my lesson and that I may be repeating history once again. Who am I kidding?

Sunday, 23 March 2014

The ship is safe in harbour, but is that what the damn ship is for?

Deep in the obscured foliage, it built layers upon layers to conceal the glade upon where it stood; it tucked itself away, not sealed but rather, it stood firmly and unfazed despite the deafening tumult threatening to shake its very core and sweep it away. As the layers collected, contrary to its true intent, it became more stifled, in an attempt to shelter and preserve its very endowments. Its true disposition started to fade beyond the facade of the foliage as a result of all the ripples have come to shadow it forth and the more they spread, the more it retreated into the glade within the foliage. There it lay, dormant and unscathed, but slowly fading away as the traces of time have slowly worn it out, unrealisingly so, and it stood on the verge of crumbling.

It once stood proudly and conceivably free of those layers. All that encompassed it were enigmatic and more often than not, they spread their wings boldly to the same rhythm that resounded and shared the same intricacies. It stood as a glass wall, transparent and unhiding, clear as dawn for all to see. But inevitably, certain changes are inescapable and the elements of its very atmosphere were slowly replaced by foreign actualities, much more so that they were of a different rhythm, void of resonance. It learned to condition itself and in doing so, its glassy being, unyielding and unable to succumb to a different constancy began to hold itself back, and in doing so it imposed upon itself a superficial facade, subtly rippling a feigned air to conform. In the past, it has often tried unfurl its true disposition to the various comportments that surrounded it but on many attempts, it was not met on an equal bearing. It wasn't that it was unmatched, it was merely the clashing encounter of perpetual complexity and effortless simplicity. It learned to balance itself better but there was always the need to manifest in the present and over time, the clear glass began to fog up in its efforts to accommodate all else.

But what if it were to unveil itself more often once again, despite the insurmountable odds that stood against it? What if it was merely waiting for the right time to do so? But when, if not now? What if something amazing was to happen, like it always used to because it was not easily unnerved by all that stood within its circumference? Then again, the circumstances back then were always such that those within its circumference were of the same resonance. But what if it were to leave concealment harbour without inhibitions and take reign of its present in its true disposition? What if all these what ifs were to manifest into the present instead of remaining as mere wonderments? Do I dare to tip the present, or disturb the universe?


Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Cassandra micro-updates

Falling back into lacklustre habits in updating my blog. So in the past 2 weeks:

  • Realisation that when assignments pile up the stress you derive is all in the head because once I finished some of them the world seems a lot less bleaker-
  • - and that whenever my productivity graph is exponential, when I finally finish my assignments I start to burn out a little bit and procrastinate/compromise time doing unproductive things when I really should be working on my newly bestowed pile of assignments-
  • - like the essay for the competition I signed up for with a couple of my friends - right now this little time-consuming debate is going in my head: "Essay vs. External Environment Analysis which one to do one is due on Thursday one is due next week but if I finish the EE Analysis I will have peace of mind to type the essay but then again the essay is due this Thursday" - this seems to be a pervasive problem for me every semester.
  • Started writing for Toonari Post: E-mail me at if anything!
  • Coordinated my wardrobe for St. Patrick's Day per usual but did not go drinking this year because I am sacrificing my social life for all the aforementioned with the exception of the one directly above.

  • Tried to find time to read (I REALLY MISS READING YOU KNOW) but unfortunately the odds just aren't in my favour.
  • Played a little bit of A Link to the Past for some stress relief - it's strange how that game is still calming for me even after so many years and I still felt the same excitement I did back when I started playing it as a kid.
  • I will never cease listening to Celtic music and it's still a pet peeve of mine when people pronounce Celtic as "Seltic" unless of course you're referring the to the basketball team but in the event that you're not it's "KELTIC".
  • Got addicted to the 2048 mini-game thanks to feliciousx and it was life-ruiningly fun. So basically at this point: Business School 0 Everything Else On The Sides 1
In my next update I will most probably rue the form in which I chose to update this post. 

Saturday, 8 March 2014

Cassandra updates


I am now experiencing the fleeting period of calm before the harsh and immediate transition into a cycle of being overwhelmingly engaged. At this stage it no longer feels like a reprieve (you develop an immunity over the years and your capacity stretches) but rather, I welcome it with open arms. I have also lost the ability to feel the holiday mood ever since I finished SPM many years ago.

Everything has been moving at a rollercoaster pace since I last updated, there were many highs but also many lows, which were truly humbling. I travelled to KK for the first time in life (and debunked all the opinions regarding it people have given prior to that), organised my first teh tarik session for TFM, inserts many more activities and reading Neil Gaiman is no exception to this, had some realisations (I appreciate nice eyebrows) and harsh reminders (I am the terrible kind of inebriated) and in the midst of all that had my wallet stolen. What precious time that was reserved for "me time" culminated in my various jaunts to various bureaucracies to get paperwork done. Also, there is a quaint sort of gratification that comes with replacing all the cards in my wallet - it is much like retrieving bits of my identity (I had an identity crisis when I lost all means of tangible identification). To the person who stole my wallet: I forgive you but at the same time you're a lucky b_tch because my various MRT/public transportation cards are worth a lot. Use them well please.

Per usual, I am struggling to find time to read and lately, more increasingly so. I can never seem to linger around and read for 2 hour due to the nature of my schedule (I doubt I'll be able to do so even during the holidays).

I really should get back to my work now. I also find it ironic that I am more eloquent when I am batshit sad inside.

P.S. Have you seen the promo for How To Train Your Dragon 2? Hot damn puberty was certainly in Hiccup's favour.